


It's Like Reaching for the Moon

by literarykat



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, Found Family, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Survivor Guilt, because there's so much that fallout 4 didn't do, having fun with expanding the canon, it's fine everything's fine, mutual idiots pining over one another, that I wish was talked about more
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-19 23:08:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18980239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literarykat/pseuds/literarykat
Summary: When Sylvia steps out of the vault, she's not prepared for what she witnesses out in the Commonwealth. On the long road to find Shaun and rid herself of the guilt she has for being the one to live after 200 years, she gains new friends and the potential to start over again.Canon divergence from the video game; I wanted to write about the survivor's guilt the sole survivor has, along with playing with the idea of how things would change if ss took months to even begin looking for Shaun. Oh, and playing with the romance option between female sole survivor and Piper.





	It's Like Reaching for the Moon

**Author's Note:**

> I'm coming into the fandom way late into the game but I've been stewing on this story for a couple years so if there's anyone still clinging onto this portion in the ao3 page, let me know what you think!

The nightmares don’t really stop.

Sylvia wakes up, coated in sweat, a scream dying in her throat. Most nights Dogmeat wakes up, alarmed and whimpering. Other nights he’s nowhere to be found and it just freaks Sylvia out.

This is one of those nights. Nate’s name is on her lips and her rifle slips between her legs, fingers grasping the handle tightly to hold onto it in fear. She looks around frantically and begins to repeat things in her head that might calm her down. Stupid, little things, things from the past. Like Nate coming home one night after one of her long days in school and bringing her flowers. Taking Shaun to the park together. Getting her first tattoo with her best friend.

Those memories feel like they’re millions of years in the past and honestly, Sylvia’s convinced they are. It’s been 200 hundred years. And Nate’s dead. _Murdered._

She gets up and slings her rifle over her shoulder. Her pack is sitting next to a now dead fire. The horizon is just turning purple, meaning it’s near dawn. At least the nightmares provide her a heads start for the day.

Sylvia whistles, low and long, and waits a couple minutes. She hears Dogmeat’s bark in the near distance. Satisfied, she begins walking, turning on her Pip-Boy. He’ll come eventually.

It’s only been two days since she left Sanctuary and the Minutemen behind to begin scouting the Wasteland for her son. Two days since Mama Murphy gave her a clue that Preston decoded. Diamond City was the place to go for news. If Sylvia had any chance of finding Shaun, her best bet would be Diamond City. It was, after all, the place where everyone stopped. Where all news came through. 

So far the journey had been easy enough. She ran into a pack of feral ghouls a mile outside of Sanctuary. Avoided a group of raiders patrolling the area around Lexington. Preston had warned her about the raiders there, that the Corvega Assembly Plant had been overrun and in need of pushing out the said raiders. A future problem that Sylvia promised to deal with later when their numbers had increased. She didn’t want to take on the entire group alone or with so few men.

From here she could see the horizon of Boston. It made her both excited and nervous. Excited because that was her hometown. It was where she grew up, met Nate (during a baseball game there in the famous stadium) and graduated from. But nervous because, well.

It had been two hundred years. A bomb had been set off. And there was no way Boston remained its pristine, lively image since then.

Dogmeat trots up beside her and instinctively Sylvia weaves her fingers through the dog’s coarse fur. He barks playfully and runs ahead. 

“I think we’ll make Diamond City by the afternoon, don’t you think?” She sounds crazy, talking to a damn dog. But if there is one thing Sylvia hates, it is silence when she is alone. It brought further attention to the thoughts going on in her head.

As they near Cambridge, her Pip-Boy detects a distress signal. Part of Sylvia wants to tune in but she stops herself, stopping in the middle of the road. She can see the town ahead of her. _Christ,_ she thinks, _Nate went to school here._

She can hear the sound of gunshots, similar to Preston’s laser musket. As she continues listening, fingers poised over the tuning knob, she hears the sounds of ferals. 

Sylvia calls Dogmeat to her and ditches the road completely, instead walking along the bank of the river towards the bridge into Boston. Dogmeat scouts ahead, sniffing for land mines. Sylvia’s able to avoid them entirely. The last thing she wants is to die getting blown up near a river. There were better ways to go. 

They made it halfway across the bridge when Sylvia’s foot kicks up some debris and sends it skidding over the edge. She winces, stopping dead in her tracks. 

_“What the-- hey there’s someone up there!”_ Sylvia hears a chorus of shouts and she swears, running across the rest of the bridge into Boston before the raiders on the boat can get to her.

Mistake 1, she realizes as she skids to a stop and nearly runs right into a super mutant. Dogmeat howls, vicious, and lunges at the abomination’s thigh. Sylvia grabs her pistol and cocks it, aiming at the mutant’s head. She fires twice and watches the thing crumple before he can even turn around and get to her. 

That alerts his band ahead, who have now all turned back around to see the commotion and begin shooting at Sylvia. “Dogmeat, come!” Sylvia yells, quickly racing to her left. Forget making it to Diamond City-- she’d be surprised if she could find safety anywhere in Boston before dying.

She sees an abandoned alley and prays that there are no traps as she dives into it, reloading her pistol. Dogmeat is hot on her heels, panting and barking. Her heart rate has increased, blood pounding in her ears. Sylvia only realizes she’s been nicked when she slows down after finding a way through the buildings back onto a main road. She can see the stadium ahead of her, blocking out some of the sun. Her side screams in agony and Sylvia presses a hand down, looking at her right side and seeing the blood. 

“Fuck!” She swears loudly, stomping her foot in frustration. Up ahead, she hears super mutants and gunshots. Behind her, she hears the yelling of super mutants trying to find her. Sylvia takes a deep breath, trying to focus. She had to go ahead, or else she would face the band of super mutants behind her alone. At least ahead it sounded like there were others that were fighting.

She carries forward, pushing past the now excruciating pain in her side. As she rounds the corner, Sylvia can see a mutant hound go down, and a figure in what looks to be an umpire uniform standing beside it. It’s comical really, until she watches a super mutant come up behind the figure and crush his head with a large club. Sylvia yells for the figure to watch out but it’s too late. Her throat turns sour, vile creeping up. The only thing that pushes it down is now Sylvia sees the mutant is coming for _her_. Running, taking one stride for what would take her three. She quickly begins shooting, releasing an entire round on the mutant before he collapses in death.

Sylvia runs forward, realizing what’s going on in front of her. A group of mutants are converging on the settlement ahead. _That’s Diamond City. It’s under attack._ Sylvia pieces together as she begins shooting at another mutant that’s coming up onto a helpless Diamond City defender.

She ducks behind an abandoned building as she reloads and covers from the fire of bullets heading her way. A man in lying on the ground, trying to quickly reload his rifle. He stares up at Sylvia, shocked. “Who the fuck are you?!”

“Doesn’t matter, unless you don’t want my help,” Sylvia grits out, holding onto her side and leaning against the brick. The umpire dressed man doesn’t say another word, just nods and continues reloading. Sylvia peers around the corner, sets her sight onto another supermutant, and aims. With one hand steadying her pistol and her eyesight blurring, it’s hard to aim properly. Yet somehow she shoots and doesn’t miss. One mutant down, six to go.

“What’s with the get-up?” Sylvia asks, turning back to the man getting back up and standing beside her. He gives her an odd look. 

“Have you not heard of Diamond City?”

Sylvia chuckles darkly. “Kinda new here.” She turns back and shoots down another mutant. The man rushes past her into the firefight and Sylvia finds herself hoping he’ll be alright. Stupid thought. She was barely alright. Sylvia shakes her head and sets out into the opening for a hot second before ducking behind a road barrier. She hears the bullets hit the other side from other mutants that had aimed at her. Sylvia takes in a deep breath, reloads, turns to lean onto the top of the barrier and begins shooting in a general direction.

She’s not sure when the mutants retreat. She counts by the reloads; it had taken two reloads and halfway through the third. The guards began shouting at one another to be on the lookout. Dogmeat trots up to Sylvia, tongue hanging out of his mouth. He barks playfully, as if he hadn’t just been attacking mutants a moment ago. Sylvia slips back to sit with her back against the barrier. She buries her right hand into his fur, tugging him close and trying to catch her breath. 

“Are you going to do alright, miss?” A guard walks up to her slowly, as one might approach a predator they don’t know will attack or not. Sylvia nods, left hand gripping her pistol just a little tighter.

“I just need a moment,” she feigns. The guard takes her word on this and begins to walk away to check on the other guards. Sylvia leans her head back and stares up at the sky. She hadn’t been in an intense gun fight since finding the Minutemen in Concord. She slings her pack off as carefully as she can, inhaling sharply as the pain in her side continues to grow worse. She had a few stimpacks on her, waiting for the right occasion. Was now the time? 

_We’re nearly there, just get to Diamond City and there surely will be a doctor._ Sylvia talks herself out of using the minimal resources. The worse that would happen is passing out from the pain and blood loss before she reached Diamond City. The guards would surely find her body.

At that thought, Sylvia hikes herself up off the ground, pulls out the bomber jacket she had stolen from her home back in Sanctuary, and puts it on before slinging her pack back over her shoulder. She stares at the looming baseball stadium ahead, now casting a long shadow over the city of Boston. 

“Dogmeat, come.” Sylvia begins making her way up the short stretch of road left, past numerous guards who pay her no heed. Sylvia threads her fingers through the dog’s hair to keep her balance slightly. Sensing this, Dogmeat thankfully stays by her side the entire time.

“What do you mean you can’t open the gate? Stop playing around Danny! I’m standing out in the open here, for crying out loud!”

_“I got orders not to let you in miss Piper--” ___

__Sylvia slows down as she rounds the corner to the front of the stadium. She smirks, noticing the way a girl in the red coat is moving her hands around as she speaks to an intercom next to a closed off entrance._ _

__‘Just doing your job?’ Protecting Diamond City means keeping me out, is that it? ‘Oh look, it’s the scary reporter!’ Boo!”_ _

___Oh, I like her._ Sylvia thinks, resting her hands on her hips and smiling approvingly at the girl’s sass. Her smile is still plastered on her face when the girl yelling at the intercom turns around, finally noticing her. _Shit.__ _

__“Hey, you,” her voice drops to a whisper as she steps closer, “want to get into Diamond City?”_ _

__She gets a better look at the woman standing beside her now; a newsboy cap pulled over bushy black hair, scarf, red leather jacket. Her eyes are brown and warm, mouth pulled into a smirk. Sylvia ignores the feeling her stomach has at the sight of this woman. “I dunno, kind of enjoying this view just fine,” she flirts, only regretting it for a moment until she sees the blush rise to the capped woman’s cheeks._ _

__“J-just play along, alright?” She turns back to the intercom. “What’s that? You’re a trader up from Quincy? You have enough supplies to keep the general store stocked for a whole month? Hm.”_ _

__Sylvia chuckles, eyebrow raised and hip cocked as the woman carries on with her scheme until the guard, Danny, relents and opens the gate to Boston-- _no,_ Sylvia thinks quickly, _Diamond City. That’s what they’re calling it now.__ _

__It leaves a bitter taste in her mouth as she watches the gates slowly rise. The woman grins at her. “Better head inside before Danny catches on.”_ _

__“Ladies first,” Sylvia mutters and the woman’s smile falters for a moment._ _

__“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” she retorts, walking in. Dogmeat is following her instead of Sylvia now. It makes Sylvia laugh to herself. _Traitor.__ _

__She follows closely behind regardless and the girls are stopped by a large man in a tan suit and hat. He and the capped woman began arguing with one another, Sylvia not paying much attention as she tries to find the best way to slip past and into Diamond City. Danny, the guard who controlled the gate, is watching her with narrowed eyes, hand running through his hair as he realizes his mistake._ _

__“... I’ll have the printer scrapped for parts!” The fat man yells defiantly. Sylvia’s attention snaps back to the two in front of her._ _

__“That a statement, Mr. McDonough?” The woman sasses back. She has spunk, Sylvia would give her that. She crosses her arms, wincing slightly at the pain in her side once again. Just as she goes to speak to get into Diamond City, the woman turns to her. “Why don’t we ask the newcomer? You support the news? ‘Cause the mayor’s threatening to throw free speech in the dumpster.”_ _

__Sylvia’s mouth opens to say something but she can’t find the right words. The mayor sighs. “Don’t bring her into this, Piper--”_ _

__“Everyone has their right to say what they want. Freedom of the press, right? You can’t go against that,” she blurts out, feeling herself sway slightly. The woman’s eyes widen, a smile hesitantly creeping on her face._ _

__The mayor coughs. “I didn’t mean to bring you into this, miss. You look like fine Diamond City material. Welcome to the great green jewel of the Commonwealth. A safe and happy place--”_ _

__“Cut the crap, McDonough,” Piper mutters. Sylvia smirks at her._ _

__“Not the friendliest welcome I’ve received, honestly,” Sylvia backs up the woman, knowing what she is referring to. The mayor blushes and stutters out an apology._ _

__“Anything you’re here for in particular?” He asks._ _

__“Yeah, actually,” Sylvia feels her head beginning to swim again. She presses her side, fingers coming back with wet and warm blood. “Got a doctor around?”_ _

__It’s the last thing she manages to get out before the woman shouts, “she’s hurt!” Sylvia’s eyesight blurs before she feels herself fall to the ground and the world goes black._ _

__

* * *

__She comes to in a fit of a nightmare. The same nightmare, as it always is. Nate, shot. Shaun, taken away from her. Herself, not able to do a thing but watch and yell for help._ _

__Dogmeat is immediately up and at her side, nose prodding into her neck and whimpering. Sylvia gasps for air, which is hard to do when her side is bandaged up tight. She feels tears prick at her eyes as she tries to steady her breathing. This is when she begins surveying her surroundings. She’s in a small bed, the only light a lamp on the bedside table. There’s a can of purified water, a stimpack, and box of Fancy Lad snack cakes. Her pipboy is removed from her arm, which causes some anxiety for her as she cannot see it in her near vicinity. Her vault suit is off her body, instead replaced with a plain white shirt and loose fitting brown pants. The only comfort in the new surroundings is Dogmeat, who seems not at all phased by the strange place._ _

__She’s upstairs, presumably in some sort of medbay as Sylvia can hear the murmuring of women downstairs and the clinking of scientific equipment. There’s also the distinct smell of antiseptic._ _

__Sylvia hears the creaking of a door opening and closing._ _

__“How’s she doing, doc?” Comes a gentle voice._ _

__“Better. Here, take this to her. She needs a herbal antimicrobial to make sure infection doesn’t set in.” Another woman says._ _

__“Oh, yeah.” The first voice flits against the metal walls. Sylvia lays back and squeezes her eyes shut, listening to the footsteps against the wooden stairs._ _

__“Hey, blue.”_ _

__Sylvia sighs and opens her eyes, staring up at the reporter from the gate. Piper is standing over her, hands fiddling with the can of antibiotics. She smiles at Sylvia, pulling up the chair near the end of her bed. “How are you doing?”_ _

__“Fine. Why did you call me blue?” Sylvia asks, trying to sit up. Piper pushes her back down gently, gloved fingers brushing against her collarbone._ _

__“Oh, uh, the vault suit. That’s what you were wearing so I just gave you the nickname. We don’t even know your name. You’re a vault dweller. The pip-boy, blue suit, fish-out-of-water look. Dead giveaways. Blue’s easier than ‘that stranger who passed out in front of Diamond City,’ No one else’s using it, but I like it.” Piper looks back down at the can as she rambles on. Sylvia smiles._ _

__“Alright.”_ _

__Piper looks back at her and smiles back. “Alright. So, uh, Dr. Duff says you need this for the wound. Just in case, y’know? We don’t need you dying of infection.” She tries to joke but winces at her response. “Sorry.”_ _

__Sylvia sits back up and takes the antibiotic from Piper, maintaining level eye contact. “Don’t apologize.”_ _

__“Right,” Piper lets her take it from her and releases a breath, “so I have some questions.”_ _

__Sylvia chuckles and begins to take off her shirt. “Don't you want me a bit more hopped up on drugs before you get me talking?”_ _

__She is keenly aware of Piper’s curious gaze as she reveals a bandaged ribcage. The gauze leaves little showing but she smirks when she sees Piper’s eyes widen at variety of tattoos covering Sylvia’s midriff and chest. The vault suit did a good job of covering them up and Sylvia was surprised Piper hadn't said anything at the sleeves of tattoos the white shirt had already shown off. She briefly wondered if the art was prevalent now or if it died off with the other things in the bombs._ _

__That saddened her. For Sylvia, the tattoos were representative of her life and her personality. The thought of not being able to get one any more was depressing._ _

__She quickly shakes it off and begins unwinding her gauze. “Can we wait on the questions?”_ _

__Piper chews on her lip in thought. Then, “Very Well. What about off the record?”_ _

__“You are unrelenting Miss Piper.” Sylvia winces as the air hits her fresh wound. She uncaps the antibiotic and slathers a generous amount of the salve to her fingers before rubbing it against the wound._ _

__“I have to be,” Piper defends, “I’m a reporter. I have to get to the truth.”_ _

__“I cannot argue with that logic. Pass me some new gauze will you?” Sylvia wipes the antibiotic on her pants as Piper leans over to the nightstand and pulls out a roll. She stands and sits on the edge of the bed. “Ah, yeah, help would be nice.” Sylvia grins toothily and sits up a little straighter to let Piper wrap the bandage around her waist. Silence envelopes them as the reporter focuses on her task at hand and Sylvia watches, making sure to take normal breaths so the bandage doesn't strain uncomfortably._ _

__“It's Sylvia, by the way,” she says when Piper finishes. The reporter looks up and Sylvia’s distracted by her brown eyes. She quickly recovers. “That's my name. When you don't want to call me Blue.”_ _

__Piper’s smile is contagious. “It's nice to be properly introduced to you finally, Sylvia. Piper Wright, resident of Diamond City and the managing force behind Publick Occurrences.”_ _

__“Like the old newspaper? That's amazing,” Sylvia remembers learning about the first paper created in the Americas in one of her history courses at university. The history of journalism never failed to perk her interest._ _

__“I guess?” Piper returns to the chair she was in. Her fingers tap anxiously against her thighs, Sylvia notices briefly. “So can I ask you those questions?”_ _

__Sylvia shakes her head. “Buy me a drink first.” So that’s what the finger tapping was for. It seemed once the woman in front of her was set on an idea for her paper, there was no getting her off it._ _

__Piper’s neck turns red. “Sorry, I’m sorry. I’m not good at making friends with people.”_ _

__“You just like getting a story out of them?” Sylvia sits back against the pillow behind her. Dogmeat jumps up on the bed and curls up next to her, warm and reassuring as always. She threads her fingers through his fur._ _

__“If you must know,” Sylvia finally considers, “I’m looking for someone.”_ _

__Piper perks up immediately, her cap going slightly askew as she reaches for the small pencil tucked into its band. She produces a thin pad of paper from nowhere, startling Sylvia. “A missing someone?”_ _

__“Stolen, more like it.” Sylvia mutters, looking towards her pip boy. “And I couldn’t do a thing about it.”_ _

__“Well why not?” Piper leans her elbows against her knees as she writes down something. Sylvia, now long lost in thought, doesn’t notice._ _

__“Because I was stuck in my chamber, my husband had him, and I just watched them take Shaun away while I was frozen back for another round of Vault Tec bullshit.” She clenches Dogmeat’s fur a little too hard and quickly is torn out of her thoughts at his yelp._ _

__Piper suddenly stops writing as the meaning of the words hit her. “Wait…. You were alive before the war? Oh my god… you’re a woman out of time.”_ _

__“Out of time is an understatement,” Sylvia sighs. She was out of time in so many ways._ _

__Below, a door opens and closes. The clinking of glass has ceased completely. It would seem that the doctor has stepped out of the office. Sylvia wonders if the doctor heard anything. Was this the sort of town to gossip? Sanctuary sure was back then. When Sylvia and Nate had just moved into the area, everyone seemed intent to listen to every small conversation they had when they had their windows open, or went for a walk. Sylvia didn’t make a lot of friends in Sanctuary. Nate did, but then again Nate always had a way with people that she didn’t._ _

__“Who are they, Blue?” Piper asks quietly, continuing forward. Sylvia sighs. She supposed she could deal with getting the interview out of the way now. It’s like ripping a bandaid off, she thinks._ _

__“My baby boy… Shaun. He was kidnapped.”_ _

__“Do you suspect the Institute is involved?”_ _

__“Who?” Sylvia’s eyebrows furrow. She had heard the word mentioned in conversations between the remaining Minutemen at the fire the night she left them. But she never thought to ask. Now, it seemed, it was important to know. Especially if they had a part in taking away Shaun and killing Nate. Piper sits back in her chair, obviously finished writing what she wanted. She shrugs._ _

__“That’s the question now isn’t it? Synthetic people sent from hidden labs, sometimes replacing people to do covert agent work. Not every person who goes missing is involved with the Institute, but I have a feeling your son might.”_ _

__“Sounds like they might be.” Sylvia felt a wave of exhaustion hit her. This was the most she had talked to someone in the past month, it seemed. Conversations were never her strong suite. “Look, as much as I’d like to know more, I think I should get some rest. Or food. Damn, I’m hungry. Where can I get food?” Synths be damned, she didn’t really care about them._ _

__Piper hands her back her shirt. Her pen and paper have magically disappeared. Sylvia wonders if she has the same skills with a weapon, and if she can teach her that trick. Instead, her stomach rumbles, reminding her of her current quest._ _

__“There’s a great noodles place in the middle of Diamond City, if you’re up for the walk. We can talk more after you eat,” Piper notices Sylvia’s glare at the mention of continued conversation and puts her hands in the air, “Listen, Blue, I want your life story in print. It’s time Diamond City has a little outside perspective on life in the Commonwealth.”_ _

__“Fine. But you’re paying for my breakfast.”_ _

__“Blue, it’s noon.” Piper chuckles as Sylvia hauls herself out of the cot. She grabs her Pip boy with a grumble and puts on her boots._ _

__“Lead the way,” Sylvia says, though she’s already halfway down the stairs and leaving Piper behind._ _


End file.
